By Hilary Metcalfe
There’s a kind of exhaustion that goes beyond just needing sleep. It settles into your bones, makes your brain feel foggy, turns the simplest tasks into something monumental. It’s the exhaustion that comes from giving, endlessly, without pause—from being needed at all hours, from feeding through the night, from never quite switching off.
I remember the nights where my body felt so depleted but so alert at the same time—as if my nervous system had forgotten how to unwind. I would lie down after a feed, desperate for sleep, but my mind raced through all the things I needed to do the next day. The baby would stir, and before they had even fully woken, my body was already anticipating the next feed. The next rock. The next comfort.
And yet, no one tells you how to actually rest when you're in this state. Everyone says, “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” but no one explains how to turn off the part of your brain that is constantly on high alert. How to ease the tightness in your shoulders from hours of holding a baby. How to calm your nervous system so that rest feels possible—not just physically, but emotionally, too.
Breastfeeding exhaustion isn’t just about getting more sleep—it’s about creating deep rest in the moments you do have. And sometimes, the right support—the right ritual, the right tools—can be the difference between feeling like you’re barely surviving and actually starting to feel human again.
The Biology of Why Rest Feels Impossible Postpartum
There’s a reason why, even when a breastfeeding mum gets the chance to sleep, she often can’t.
Every feed triggers a complex hormonal response, designed to keep her connected and alert to her baby. Oxytocin surges, creating that deep sense of bonding, but also keeping her slightly wired. At the same time, cortisol (the stress hormone) stays elevated, making it harder to fully relax—even when she’s utterly exhausted.
Meanwhile, postpartum estrogen levels remain low, which affects serotonin and melatonin production—the very hormones responsible for deep, restful sleep.
And then there’s mineral depletion. Breastfeeding pulls calcium, magnesium, and electrolytes from the mother’s body to prioritise milk production, which can cause muscle tension, restless sleep, and even waking up feeling unrefreshed.
So while sleep is ideal, true restoration is about more than just hours in bed—it’s about helping the body transition out of high alert, replenishing what’s lost, and making space for deep rest.
A Nightly Ritual That Signals Rest
One of the simplest and most effective ways to create a moment of stillness is by drinking a warm, mineral-rich tea before bed.
For me, this became a lifeline. In those first months, I didn’t have long, luxurious moments of self-care, but I had five minutes, sitting in bed, holding a warm cup in my hands. It was enough to remind my body that it was safe to exhale, to let go, to rest—even just for a little while.
That’s why I created The SABI Breastfeeding Herbata—not just as a lactation tea, but as a way for mums to slow down, nourish their bodies, and give themselves the permission to rest.
This blend is packed with:
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Oat straw, rich in magnesium, to ease tension and support nervous system recovery.
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Holy basil, an adaptogen that lowers cortisol and promotes emotional balance.
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Fennel and cinnamon, which support blood sugar stability—critical for preventing the energy crashes that make exhaustion feel even worse.
I paired this with The SABI Calming Herbata—a gentle, sleep-supporting tea with lemon balm and chamomile, designed to encourage deeper rest.
It’s a simple ritual, but it works. Because sometimes, rest isn’t just about getting sleep—it’s about helping the body let go of tension, even for a few moments.
Easing the Body Into Relaxation
I didn’t realise how much physical tension I was holding until I felt it begin to melt away.
The way my shoulders ached from hours of cradling my baby. The dull tightness in my back from sitting in the same position during long feeds. The way my hands would cramp from holding tiny fingers and rubbing tiny backs.
When you’re in the thick of it, you barely notice how much stress builds up in your body. But the more tension you carry, the harder it is to truly rest.
I learned that warmth and weight are some of the most effective ways to signal safety to the nervous system. A heated wheat bag on my shoulders, a warm cup of tea in my hands, magnesium massaged into my legs—it was enough to tell my body that it could finally relax, even just for a little while.
Some of the things that made a difference:
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A weighted wheat bag—to place across my chest or shoulders, easing tightness and grounding my nervous system.
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Magnesium body butter—because breastfeeding depletes magnesium, and replenishing it helps relax the muscles and promote deeper sleep.
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A sleep mist—not because it forces sleep, but because scent is a powerful way to shift the brain into a slower, softer rhythm.
One of my favourite gifts I ever received was a Blästa Henriët Wheat Bag—a beautifully made, linen-covered heat pack that I could warm up and drape over my shoulders while feeding. I paired this with Nourish London Magnesium Body Butter and Bamford B Silent Pillow Mist—small things that made a huge difference in how my body felt.
Because Rest Isn’t a Luxury—It’s the Foundation of Everything
I used to think that rest was something I could earn—that if I just got everything done, if I gave enough, I would eventually reach a place where I could pause.
But I was wrong.
Rest isn’t something we reach when everything else is finished. It’s the thing that allows us to keep going.
When a new mum is nourished, when her body feels cared for, when she is supported in a way that allows her to exhale fully—that’s when she can truly begin to replenish.
The best gifts for breastfeeding mums aren’t just things that make life easier. They’re the ones that remind her she is just as worthy of care as the baby she’s feeding.
And that is the greatest gift of all.
HORMONAL & PROUD
Created as a brand to help women navigate the toughest moments in pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum — and practically every stage of life –– The SABI is changing the narrative around our hormones from one of taboo, embarrassment, and loneliness to awareness and even, pride. As more than a wellness brand, The SABI offers a carefully-crafted line of products to carry you through your hormonal journey, including rituals, supportive tools, and ancient herbal remedies that have been tested time and time again by women and now come backed by medicine. The SABI is a blend of science and nature conceived by women who have experienced the joys and deep struggles of bringing a child into the world, the pains of a heavy, difficult period, miscarriage, and difficulty conceiving.
We invite you to get to know your body and its cycles better –– to really understand what is going on inside. Learn to use your hormones to your advantage no matter your stage of life, and know that you can support and balance your hormone levels. We are here to help with the information, understanding and natural tools to support your body and the emotional process along with it.
