For most of my life, I wore stoicism like a badge of honour. I was proud of being the “just get on with it” type. British to the core, raised on keep calm and carry on. It worked for me in school, in work, and even in relationships. Until I became a mother.
When my son was born, I thought I’d do the same. Push through the sleepless nights. Soldier on with breastfeeding. Keep smiling even as my body felt like foreign territory. But what I didn’t realise is that mental health doesn’t stay tucked neatly in the mind. It shows up in the skin, in digestion, in sleep, in hormones, in how you turn up - day in, day out.
And when you try to ignore it, your body keeps the score. Here’s a look behind the curtain at why this is so pervasive for women, how it affects us and what we can change.
Love,
Anna
Co-Founder, The SABI
When the Body Finally Says “Enough”
My breaking point was postpartum depression. At first, I brushed it off. Exhaustion. Hormones. Not being “good at coping.” But as weeks turned into months, the symptoms grew louder. My skin broke out in painful patches. My gut became unpredictable. My cycles were heavier and more erratic than ever and I had thoughts that scared me.
I thought I was tough. But as Gabor Maté writes in When the Body Says No, stress doesn’t disappear just because we pretend it isn’t there. It embeds itself in physiology. My body had been carrying what my mind refused to.
The Cost of “Keep Calm and Carry On”
I’m British, so “keep calm and carry on” is basically my DNA. And in Western culture, women are celebrated for grit. Return to work within weeks. Fit into pre-pregnancy jeans. Smile through the chaos. But this comes at a price.
Research shows one in seven mothers experience postpartum depression. Chronic stress alters cortisol, disrupting reproductive hormones and menstrual cycles. Trauma and unresolved stress increase risks for conditions like endometriosis, PCOS, and thyroid dysfunction. Van der Kolk calls this “the tyranny of the past in the body.” Unfelt feelings don’t vanish; they show up as symptoms.
I had to learn that coping is not healing.
What the Research Confirms
It isn’t just theory. Randomised controlled trials back this up again and again.
Stress doesn’t just change mood; it alters hormones. Chronic cortisol elevation lowers progesterone and disrupts estrogen balance, contributing to PMS and cycle irregularities. Stress inflames the skin, worsening acne, eczema, and psoriasis. Studies show that mindfulness-based stress reduction improves skin conditions significantly. And in digestive health, RCTs have demonstrated that relaxation therapy eases IBS symptoms even more effectively than diet changes alone.
Science continues to affirm what Alan Watts and Eckhart Tolle have long said in different words: life is happening in the body. Ignore it, and it rebels.
Rewriting My Story
My recovery didn’t begin with one grand breakthrough. It began with tiny, shaky experiments. Little rituals that helped my body feel safe enough to stop bracing.
Breathing slowly before meals. Belly breaths that reminded me I wasn’t in danger. Moving my body in ways that felt alive rather than punishing: yoga, walking, dancing in my kitchen with the baby strapped to me. Van der Kolk’s research showed me this wasn’t indulgent; it was discharge, letting trauma leave the nervous system.
Journaling gave me a way to make meaning of the mess. Frankl’s reminder that “between stimulus and response, there is a space” helped me see that I had a choice, even in my suffering. Omega-3s, magnesium, and warm foods steadied me in ways salads and caffeine never could. Christiane Northrup’s work on women’s bodies and wisdom felt like permission to trust my intuition.
And from Phil Stutz and Mel Robbins, I learned the gift of taking action, even when it felt uncomfortable. Especially then.
These weren’t quick fixes. They were rewrites. Replacing “carry on” with “carry with care.”
Everyday Practices That Help
Looking back, the practices that helped me most were deceptively simple.
A walk outside instead of scrolling through headlines. Lighting a candle before bed to mark the end of the day. Cooking one pot of congee and eating it all week. Saying no to invitations I didn’t have the bandwidth for. Taking supplements based on bloodwork, not guesses.
They were small, ordinary, human acts. But they were lifelines.
From Holding to Healing
Christiane Northrup says, “Our biology is our biography.” I used to scoff at things like that. But she was right. Years of stoicism had written themselves into my body: into my skin, my gut, hormones and cycle.
But here’s the good news: biology isn’t fixed. The body that holds the score can also be taught to release, to heal, to thrive again.
Viktor Frankl reminds us that “in our choices lies our growth and our freedom.” My choice, finally, was to listen. To rest instead of perform. To nourish instead of numb. To let the body teach me instead of punishing it into silence.
I once thought strength meant never needing help.
Now I know true strength is letting yourself be human, letting go and giving yourself the grace to start again, especially after you feel like you’ve failed.
For the Curious
If you want to explore further, these are the works that helped me reframe everything:
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The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk
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When the Body Says No — Gabor Maté
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Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom — Christiane Northrup, MD
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The Tools — Phil Stutz & Barry Michels
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Man’s Search for Meaning — Viktor Frankl
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The Power of Now — Eckhart Tolle
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The Wisdom of Insecurity — Alan Watts
I share this not as a polished success story, but as a reminder: your body isn’t betraying you when it speaks in symptoms. It’s asking you to pay attention. Real wellness isn’t about muscling through or “getting back to normal.” It’s about listening, softening, and letting go of what you’ve been carrying.
Because when the body holds the score, the bravest thing you can do is help it release.
ABOUT ANNA
Anna is a Co-founder of The SABI and has spent the past 13 years working in or for governments, senior businessmen and politicians around the world. Living in Bogota, Colombia, she recently renovated one of Colombia’s oldest and most iconic coffee estates, developing a unique taste and travel experience. She lives with her husband and three boys Lorenzo, Alfie and Salvador who are responsible for the beautiful journey that inspired her to pursue The Sabi.
REFERENCES
Clinical Research & RCTs
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Miller GE, Chen E, Zhou ES. If it goes up, must it come down? Chronic stress and the hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenocortical axis in humans. Psychol Bull. 2007;133(1):25–45.
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Li J, et al. Chronic stress exposure alters ovarian reserve and menstrual cyclicity in women: Evidence from a population-based study. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2015;58:148–155.
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Kabat-Zinn J, et al. Influence of a mindfulness-based stress reduction intervention on rates of skin clearing in patients with moderate to severe psoriasis undergoing phototherapy and photochemotherapy (a randomized trial). Psychosom Med. 1998;60(5):625–632.
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Lackner JM, et al. Clinical trial: Cognitive behavioral therapy improves irritable bowel syndrome symptoms. Gastroenterology. 2008;134(2):310–319.
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Field T. Yoga clinical research review. Complement Ther Clin Pract. 2011;17(1):1–8.
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Freeman MP, et al. Omega-3 fatty acids: Evidence basis for treatment and future research in psychiatry. J Clin Psychiatry. 2006;67(12):1954–1967.
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Freeman MP, et al. Omega-3 fatty acids for major depressive disorder associated with pregnancy and postpartum: Rationale and protocol for randomized clinical trials. Am J Psychiatry. 2002;159(8):1331–1334.
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Soares CN, et al. Postpartum depression: Epidemiology, clinical features, assessment, and diagnosis. Am J Psychiatry. 2013;170(5):427–439.
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Rapkin AJ, Akopians AL. Pathophysiology of premenstrual syndrome and premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Menopause Int. 2012;18(2):52–59.
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Thurston RC, Joffe H. Vasomotor symptoms and menopause: Findings from the Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation. Obstet Gynecol Clin North Am. 2011;38(3):489–501.
Books & Thought Leaders
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Van der Kolk, B. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin, 2014.
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Maté, G. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress. Wiley, 2003.
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Northrup, C. Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom. Bantam, 2010.
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Stutz, P., Michels, B. The Tools. Spiegel & Grau, 2012.
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Frankl, V. Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press, 2006.
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Tolle, E. The Power of Now. New World Library, 1999.
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Watts, A. The Wisdom of Insecurity. Vintage, 2011.
HORMONAL & PROUD
Created as a brand to help women navigate the toughest moments in pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum — and practically every stage of life, the SABI aims to change the narrative around our hormones from one of taboo, embarrassment and loneliness, to awareness and even pride. Much more than a wellness brand, SABI offers a carefully crafted line of products to carry you through your hormonal journey; a set of rituals, supportive tools, and ancient herbal remedies that have been tested time and again by women and now, backed by medicine. SABI is a blend of science and nature conceived by women who have experienced the joys and deep implications of bringing a child into the world, the pains of a heavy and difficult period, miscarriage and difficulty conceiving
Here is an invitation to get to know your body and its cycles better and to really understand what is going on inside. Learn to use your hormonal cycle to your advantage no matter your stage of life, and know that you can always support and balance your hormone levels. Look for the right sources of information, know that there is help, and know that you’re supported.
DISCLAIMER
The SABI blog and articles are not meant to instruct or advise on medical or health conditions, but to inform. The information and opinions presented here do not substitute professional medical advice or consultations with healthcare professionals for your unique situation.
